So soon-to-be-evicted President Bush is set to meet with future president Barack Obama next week in order to discuss such pressing issues as the was in Iraq and the current financial downturn that the world is facing. For those of you who can’t be bothered to wait for the day to swing around, allow me to gaze into my homemade crystal ball (really just a fishbowl that I blow smoke into) and transcript the conversation right here, right now.
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The oval office. Bush is sitting in his cushy chair throwing darts at a map of the Middle East, back to the door. In walks Barack Obama and clears his throat to let Bush know he’s there.
(Turning around) Hel- Oh Jesus! Condoleeza! What have they done to you?! Oh the sweet humanity of it all!
Uh, actually sir I’m…
(Interrupting) I mean I knew there were gonna be changes around here but good Lord! Turning you into a man?! God no!
Actually sir I’m Barack Obama.
Who?
Uh… Obama? Newly elected President of the United States? The guy who’ll be taking your job in a few months?
Oh, I see. (he looks at a schedule on his desk) I’ve not been keeping up with all of the current events, you know. Barack….Hussein…Obama. Hussein? You related to a Saddam?
No, sir. It’s just a coincidence.
A what now? Don’t you be using foul language at me, boy or I’ll whoop your ass back to New Orleans just like I did the Katrina protesters!
(annoyed) No, I’m not related to Saddam Hussein. I’m not a terrorist. I’m going to be taking your job in a few months, I’m here to discuss my policies with you.
I’m sorry. It’s just Iraqiland has been on my mind for a while, yanno. Wars to be waged, oil to be… uh, I mean TERRORISTS to be caught.
Well actually that’s a good starting point. I’d like to discuss Iraq with you.
You think they’ll make me a Middle East peace envoy like Tony Blair? I could broker a peace treaty between Israel and Palestine! Wow-ee! Maybe they’ll put up a statue in Jerusalem in my honour! Oh, just think of it… Erm… where were we?
Iraq? I’d like to discuss a withdrawl plan with you if that’s possible.
A what? (looks in the dictionary) Withdrawl… lesse…. Hey, wait a second. You want to pull OUT?!
Well, yeah. We gotta have soldiers for when we wage war against Pakistan after all.
Pakistanland? Do they have oil?
Some. Not as much as Iraq.
What about terrorists?
A couple of pissed off muslims armed with pitchforks and rifles. Not quite the 9/11 hijackers.
Of course not, the 9/11 hijackers were CIA trained.
Wait, what?
Uh… I mean… McDonalds! Exxon! Shell! Gap! Oprah for everyone! You didn’t hear anything! (covers ears) If I can’t see it, it’s not there! You can’t take me down! I’m George Bush! (pulls out revolver from desk) You tell a soul about this and I’ll blow your crazy head off, ya here?
Calm down! Please? I just want to discuss policy with you.
Wait, who are you? Guards! Guards! There’s a homeless minority in my office! Take him away!
Secret Service agents burst in and take Obama away to Gitmo. Several days later, Bush gets his eviction notice through the mail and decides to throw one last bash before leaving the White House. It promptly burns down the ground and Bush is arrested for arson.
The end… or is it?
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…..
Yeah, it is, actually.
