Surveying is the hot new sex thang.

People say that the key to a woman’s heart is your sense of humour.  They’re full of shit. Anyhow, I nicked this survey off the Red Devil herself.  Cheers, Ayse.

What’s your favorite card game?
Poker.  The true ‘man’ sport.  Nothing takes more skill than receiving five random cards, then exchanging some of them for other random cards based on your gut feeling.

Of course, any seasoned player will tell you that the true art of poker is being able to keep a cool, calm exterior in the face of unsurmountable odds.  Of course, that’s easier said than done when you find out you’ve just lost six hundred grand.

“FUCK!” is the usual reaction to that bit of bad news.  Unless you’re Bill Gates.  Motherfucker’s so rich he doesn’t need to own Microsoft anymore.

Did you speak to your mother today?
Yes, I did.  See I live in the unique situation where I still live with her, and am therefore forced to communicate with her in some way.  Deep down, I probably do appreciate the pint of draught cynicism laced with concentrated sarcasm in everything she says, but it just gets so damn frustrating at times.  Oh, woe is me.

Where do you live?
Pukkit, Arkansas.  And if you gawt a problem wit’ dat, I’m a gonna set mah boy Skeeter on you.  He dun grown another stump, yee-haw!  Gittim, Skeet!

Apparently, rednecks aren’t all like that.

How many months until your birthday?

A glorious two, then I will be free from these bonds!  Though it is strange how as soon as you become eighteen and a legal adult, people decide to thrust more responsibility on you.  ‘get a job’, ‘get a house’, ‘get a life’, ‘he’s your kid, too yanno! Sure it was a mistake letting you put your thang in me, but he didn’t ask to be born’ etcetera etcetera.

Where is your sister right now?
Hah! She doesn’t exist!

Who was the last person you called?
My grandmother, to tell her that I would be travelling up to her place on Thursday.  I be a grandma’s boyee.  No, not really. I’m just contractually obliged to do such things.

Who’s bothering you right now?
A couple of people, but it’s complicated. 

Anything you’re giving up on?
Well, I’m still desperately clutching onto the hope that some day this virus with shoes will be wiped from the face of the earth.  But I’ve almost given up on that.

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
Liam gave my number to someone or other.  And they still haven’t called, damnit.

Name one person you’d punch in the face the moment you encounter him/her?
Josh Homme, yo.  The guy’s a talentless hack who rides on the success of Kyuss to create his own unique brand of Shit-rock.  And when I call it “unique”, I simply mean he stole pretty much everything from the far superior band Masters of Reality.

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
When I moved last month. So there.

How many letters are in your last name?
16.  Big pimpin, yo.

What are you excited about?
Getting that god. damn. X-box 360.  Yes. It will be mine.

Do you curse a lot?
I fuckin’ curse like a fuckin’ docker who just done shit his pants, you old cu-

Oops, sorry.

Do you drink bottled water?
Considering it tastes better than tap water, yeah.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
I don’t have any siblings, so I more or less fucked up your question right there.

What’s the last thing that made you smile?
The thought of watching you through high powered binoculars.

Have you been to New York City?
Nah, but I feel like I should.  It’s just one of those cities.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life?
Hah, christ no.

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Yes.  And I got fuck all in return for it.

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Yar, t’was Wingrove Primary School

Do you know anyone addicted to anything?
You mean apart from crack and crystal meth?

Where is your phone?
Up your ass.  Ring ring, ring ring.  That’s me calling, to tell you that anally molesting yourself with inanimate objects breaks at least fifteen of the ten commandments.  Work that one out for yourself.

What happened at 10:00 am today?
I drank tea.  Not “aysed teeee… the elixeer of dreeems… and sometimes nightmaeeeeers”, but tea.

Do you know anyone by the name of Lee?
No.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
Spoke to my dad, cos he was the sod who woke me up

How many and what kind of animals are in your house?
Apart from the tiger cub that lives under the sink?  None.

When was the last time something bothered you?
Things bother me every day.  That’s why I write this shit, to stop me from killing someone.

Would you rather stay at other peoples houses or have them stay at yours?
Ech, neither.

Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Nein.

What do you miss about your past?
Not becoming President of the World

In Six Words

Shiv over at Shiv’s Brain tagged me with the following même. Normally I don’t do mêmes, but this time I thought the idea was pretty smart. It goes like this:

Write your memoir in six words.

So, without further ado;
“Trying hard to find my place”

Not too profound, but it’ll do. Since I hit adolescence, I’ve been trying to find out exactly who I am. While I still haven’t figured it out, it makes for a good mindfuck.
Anyhoo, I’ll only tag a couple of blogs with this, if they don’t wanna do it, ’tis fine by me. It’s a free country after all

1.El Sid’s ‘You are not special’
2.Plunger Girl

Till next time,

James

Music Survey

Ultimate Music Survey
Favorites
What is your favorite genre of music?:	I don’t have one. I listen to rap, rock, metal, noise, sludge, psychedelica, prog, jazz, funk… all of it ‘cept Pop.
Why?:	Music is my drug. I think that it’s best to have an eclectic taste in music, just for the fact that it helps deepen your cultural experience.
Name your favorite band(s):	At the moment? Rush, Frank Zappa, Bardo Pond, Pearl Jam, Beastie Boys, The Doors
Name your favorite solo artist(s):	Jim Morrison, Kaki King, John Butler, Sabac Red
What is your favorite album?:	That’s a hard one. I’d say it’s probably “Joe’s Garage Part I” by Frank Zappa. Or maybe Rush’s debut album.
What is your favorite album cover?:	“Lateralus” by Tool. Great cover art.
Name your favorite song(s):	“The Ghost Song” – Jim Morrison, “Tantric Porno” – Bardo Pond, “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee” – Frank Zappa, “Reflection” – Tool, “Jeremy” – Pearl Jam
Favorite CD you own:	“Ten” by Pearl Jam.
Favorite song on your computer:	Far too many to count.
Favorite song you DON’T have:	“The Days” by Mike V and the Rats.
Favorite lyrics:	“Awake, shake dreams from your hair my pretty child, my sweet one” – The Ghost Song by the Doors
Favorite vocalist:	Demetrio Stratos
Favorite guitarist:	Either Kaki King or John Butler
Favorite bassist:	Jaco Pastorius or Geddy Lee
Favorite drummer:	Neil Peart
Favorite instrumentalist (any instrument not mentioned above):	Patrizio Fariselli
Favorite classical / jazz composer:	Beethoven
Favorite rapper:	Necro
Favorite theatrical score:	Star Wars
Favorite of anything not mentioned:	I think that the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack deserves special mention.
The bad stuff
What’s your least favorite genre of music?:	Pop Music. It’s overcommercialized garbage.
Who’s your least favorite band?:	Queens of the Stoneage
Who’s your least favorite solo artist?:	Name any pop singer.
Who do you think is the most annoying musician?:	Pete fucking Doherty. Or maybe Josh Homme.
If you could shoot any “artist” or “band”, who would it be?:	Pete goddamn Doherty. The talentless little shit that he is.
Who do you think is the least talented?:	Need I repeat again?
Least favorite song:	Far too many of them to name.
Most annoying song:	The Crazy Frog theme tune.
Most repetative song:	Ugh.
Last song to be stuck in your head:	“Tantric Porno” by Bardo Pond. Though that’s not a bad thing.
Did this survey just get that song stuck in your head again? (sorry):	…no.
Worst band that used to be good?:	Green Day.
A good band that used to suck?:	John Lennon. He’s not a band, but I hate the Beatles.
Your musical backgroun
What was the first music you remember listening to?:	Alice Cooper when I was but a mite.
What type of music do your parents listen to?:	Dad listens to rock and cock rock, mum listens to pop and indie.
Do you play any musical instruments, or sing? If so, elaborate.:	Yeah, I play the bass guitar and some electric guitar. I also sing, just not very well.
Do you take lessons for instruments or voice? If so, for how long?:	Nope, in the words of Matt Berry… “I’M SELF TAUUUUGHT!”
Do you plan to / have you gone to college for music?:	Nope.
Who are your musical inspirations?:	The bands that I listen to. Every single one of them.
Who was your first favorite band or artist?:	Korn.
Who is your most recent favorite band or artist?:	Bardo Pond.
What styles of music are you interested in learning about?:	I’d be interested in learning about traditional oriental music, especially that of Japan. I’d love to learn to play the Zither.
What styles of music do you already know a lot about?:	Rock and metal, mostly. Kind of sad.
Do you know much about musical theory? If not, would you like to?:	No. I’d love to learn as much as I can, though.
If you take lessons, do you like your teacher(s)?:	I used to take lessons but that was a school thing.
How many different music teachers do you have, or have you had?:	Three different music teachers.
This or that
Classical or jazz?:	Jazz
Classic rock or modern rock?:	Classic rock.
Rock or Rap?:	Both.
Emo or Punk?:	Punk. Emo is for faggy mungers.
Funk or Blues?:	Funk.
Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin?:	Zep. Floyd bore me.
Bob Marley or Michael Franti?:	Dunno who Franti is.
Coldplay or Radiohead?:	Neither.
Guster or Dispatch?:	Who?
John Mayer or Jack Johnson?:	John Mayer.
Eminem or 50 Cent?:	Both. Dead.
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?:	See above answer.
Backstreet Boys or N’SYNC?:	And again.
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?:	Neither
Beethoven or Mozart?:	Beethoven
Rachmaninoff or Debussy?:	Rachmaninoff.
Duke Ellington or Count Basie?:	Who?
Electric or acoustic?:	Acoustic.
Mandolin or ukulele?:	Mandolin.
Saxophone or trumpet?:	Saxophone.
Miscelaneous
Why do you like music?:	That’s kind of a stupid question. Music helps me feel better, influences my life. It’s a major part of my spirituality.
When you’re angry, what type of music do you listen to?:	Rock. Sometimes funk.
Has music ever made you cry? When?:	No. It’s come close though. I seem to remember feeling fucking teary at the end of The Abyss, when the alien appears to Ed Harris. And that was because the world is so shit
Has music ever made you laugh? When?:	Frank Zappa, that’s all I can say.
Do you like local music?:	Well, there’s pretty much NO local music here in Béziers.
What is the best show you have ever been to?:	Ehn.
Have you ever played in any shows?:	When I was very, very small, I sang something or other at a music festival.
If so, what type of music was it?:	N/A
Do you enjoy being on stage?:	Never been on.
Do you like to sing, even if you don’t consider yourself a singer?:	Yeah, singing is a great way to let out all that frustration.
If you could meet any musician and ask them for advice, who would it be?:	Jaco Pastorius. But he’s dead.
If you could just chill with any musician, who would it be?:	Dweezil Zappa, he seems like a chilled out guy.
What instrument that you don’t play now would you like to learn next?:	The Zither, the sax, the mandolin.
Do you like foreign types of music? If so, what types?:	Italian prog, J-rock and general world music.
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